Old Friends. New Beginnings?
September 29, 2011 § Leave a comment
Me and God have had a slight falling out over the past month. Only until the past few days ago have I given Him much more than a second though. Homegroup just started so maybe that has something to do with that. Anyways, I had a little God moment and thought of a few other really great things that are going on that I haven’t really though much about (Children’s ministry, the fall fest block party coming up….) and was like “wow, I should pray about these”. That kinda got me in a praying frenzy, which leads us to now.
In my discussions with God the past few days, there are a few things that I’ve happened upon that really stuck out to me. Well this morning I was discussing… future career possibilities… *cough*poker*cough*… and I was like (slight interpretation) “Listen, I want to be able to play cards for a living and I want you to bless it and give me the chance to do ministry.”……… really?…….. so after rolling this around for a while it kinda came to me… I’m trying to tell God what I want and ask him to come along. Selfish…. working on it.
And tonight, while laying here praying my life out all in one sitting, again my thoughts went to work. It’s funny, I love my job, but still think about this often. So I worked past the whole “let me go play poker I’ll do whatever you want after I ‘felt'”, and ended up thinking about my job and work ethic and pondered what I’m working for. My first thoughts were “ME” (see above @selfish) so I started praying and asked God “God, I’m not doing this right, I shouldn’t be working for me, I should be working so I can do stuff for you”…. then I was like… “wait, that’s ridiculous”…. so I tried again, “Lord, I’m not doing this right, I should be doing the the best I possibly can at work because you’ve provided a way to survive (“Do not worry about tomorrow…”)”… again I kinda shook my head… Is THAT why I’m supposed to give it 100% all the time? I’ve kinda settled that Loving Jesus is the reason I should dedicate 100% of myself to work. Not just work, but my life. I think I’ve been slacking on life. Everything is zipping past me and I’m focused on nothing. Maybe something, but for all your sakes, we’ll say nothing.
I’m not sure you’ve ever been in a place like this, but if you’ve ever seen those zyrtec commercials, at first there’s a film over the lens and after they talk about their pill, everything comes clear? Or even better, the movie Limitless. If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. That kind of happened to me. I thought about my dad and mom and little sister, my friends, out of touch friends, the people I work with, my old friends in wash sq I haven’t seen in a month, and a little light clicked on… something Ricky said that stuck “Love God, and love others”… that’s it. I should do EVERYTHING because I love God and I love others. It seems like preschool sunday school, but for me, right now, it was a bombshell. All these people that I have driven to some dull hazy relationship, and I’m not even sure why. I just feel shallow. ugh
I’m not sure I can change this rapidly, but that’s where I’ve ended up over the past few days. Hopefully more to come sooner than later.