November 29, 2012 § Leave a comment
I used to long for seclusion.
In times of trouble or worry, my mind would move to thoughts of escape. Escape from the “American Dream” and all the pressure and debt that come with it, escape from temptation and sin, escape from obligation, escape from my life. Oh, the beautiful dreams I had, my wonderful secret place, my escape, how I longed for it. A humble hut somewhere between the jungle and the ocean, far enough from the world to escape, while remaining close enough to keep contact. A place with no electricity, no cell phones, just me and the wild. This place would always be beautiful, always rock me into a state of awe. That’s what I wanted, and I even schemed up ways to get there. What big and beautiful dreams I had.
It hit me the other day that these dreams have went away. I’m not sure when, or even why they did. To be honest, I enjoyed entertaining the thought of removing myself from the world, but alas, they are no more. Somewhere along the way, something changed in me; I’ve fallen in love with community. This didn’t happen quickly, but the actual realization of this fact startled me, surprised by my lack of attention. I tend to self-analyze, so I’ll give my best shot. I think this change has come with actual depth in my
relationships. In past posts I’ve mentioned a little about this so I won’t explain further, but I believe it was this change that initiated the other. I still have trust issues, but I actually have friends. Friends that I genuinely love and care for, and they feel the same about me. These people, and the safety and security I feel while I’m with them, make the world a little less scary. It’s become a life that, though there are still things I’m unhappy about, I would never leave because I would be leaving my community. I still blows me away that, regardless of my emotion, I have a group of people around me that would like nothing more than to talk about that emotion and how it relates to Jesus. I’m called out daily for my sins, constantly reminded of the Cross and driven towards my Savior, whether I like it or not. When I am overwhelmed by the Gospel, a chorus of voices join mine in praise, simply because of how God is working in my life. Wow.
In all honesty, I’m pretty bad about thinking God isn’t doing much in my life. I’m as blind as a bat. On those occasions that He opens my eyes, I always get rocked. I see an amazing new job, a community full of 20/30-somethings chasing Christ and dragging me along with them, the best roommates in the world… I could go on forever. The point, I am BEYOND blessed. God has brought me from one extreme to the other in a few short years. I now see that the community that Christians are called to isn’t a forced friendship built on similar beliefs, but a body of like-minded people being drawn together by a similar goal, to glorify God. That’s true community. Find it. Pursue it. Love it.
What a beautiful life… God is good.